U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
