remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
