i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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