I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
