They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
