Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
you never un-have a 4some
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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