Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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