I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
