Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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