you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
