I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
