I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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