dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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