She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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