I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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