we have officially lost it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
