He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
