I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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