I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
