Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
