I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
