yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
