He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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