one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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