I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
