WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
