Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
