Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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