remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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