He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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