How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
