The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
