so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
