So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
