Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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