You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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