Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A bitchslap is in order.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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