the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
