He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
