I'm lost and stupid without you.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
