Yo dont text me then not text me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
