You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this will be a night to untag.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
