How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
