She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
