I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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