It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
