No awkward lesbian experiences without me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
