Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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