if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My ass is underappreciated
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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