oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
