I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
